Park National Is Finding Himself
You Have To Keep Searching encompasses fully and undeniably the weight of wondering if you are enough, and the courage to decide you might be.
I had the pleasure of being introduced to Park National sometime at the end of last year, the perfect time to hop on a train leaving the station. His previous albums, full of classic Midwest emo anthems, were fun, and I thoroughly enjoyed The Big Glad. However, nothing could have prepared me for what was to come.
You Have To Keep Searching was a sensation. Liam Fagan found a way to put his heart into song. Unlike his previous releases, which are sound- and vibe-centered, this album had a tangible soul. It felt like sitting in a dark room with your best friend, telling them a secret you’ve never told anyone before. The secret being, of course, that you’re afraid you’re not good enough—not for your parents or friends or the world.
I think life has a very funny and effective way of making everyone feel like they are never doing enough, like everything we try is a fruitless or selfish endeavor that will ultimately amount to nothing. I feel like this all the time. But I push through, because I don’t have another choice, and because of my faith that there is still something good to be felt. The journey of finding oneself in a thick maze of anxiety, self-doubt, and the precipice of true adulthood is one of the hardest things imaginable. Fagan put this immense feeling into one singular album and spoke to a generation struggling to feel worthy.
My personal favorite song was “One Foot,” the second-to-last track on the album, the perfect spot for this simple yet hard-hitting lyricism: “I don’t get high anymore, I just sit around with one foot out the door.” I think this line captures something bigger than a feeling. It captures a kind of paralysis—the desire to be or do something more fighting with the fear of being or doing something more. An endless paradox. Throughout the song, he plays with the lyrics, manipulating them and their meaning, pushing himself to change. This entire album is worth several listens and maybe a prize of some kind, but for now, it will just get this article.
To end, a note from Liam Fagan himself off the insert from the record (which you should order):
“For every thread I had the blind determination to pull, for the parts of me unraveled, for the songs that came along with it, I’m so grateful. This music speaks for what I’ve been afraid to confront. I put everything I have into this record and it means everything to me. I hope it can mean something to you too.”
– Liam
Written by Alexa Marie
Edited by David Nathaniel